Love as told through a song
by Vixter-twihard
Summary: A series of songfics revolving around Lily Evans and Severus Snape. Mixed genres the only set one being romance also there may be AU in places. Rated T for scenes/clips of minor violence and/or injury which are not graphically described. Predominantly SS/LE but there is some JP/LE Constructive criticism is welcome, but flames without validity are not.


**A/N: First songfic up please read, review and above all enjoy. Feel free to drop a review or PM. The song is Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, J.K. Rowling owns all the characters and the song belongs to the Artists and other parties with the cpoyright papers. **

_And I'd give up forever to touch you,  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow,  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,  
And I don't want to go home right now,_

I'd watched her from afar, the crimson curls, those glimmering green eyes; bright emerald orbs, shining white skin as delicate as the flower that she was named after. I'd give anything to touch her, just to brush my fingers against her hand; I'd give even more to speak to her and everything to be her friend. Her eyes flickered over the bush as if sensing my presence. She was exactly how I envisioned an angel; too pretty and innocent to be real, untouched by sin, her purity causing her to practically glow. I could've stayed there for eternity watching her. Listening to her delightful giggles and watching her face light up as she smiled; fantasizing that it was me causing those smiles and chuckles. I didn't want to leave the park, I didn't want to go home and most of all I didn't want to have to press myself into the corner and listen to them argue, praying that I wouldn't get sucked into the violence. I'd given up praying for it to stop; I'd accepted that it was unavoidable years ago. Only two more years and I'll be at Hogwarts and so will Lily and by then I will have made friends with her.

_And all I can taste is this moment,  
And all I can breathe is your life,  
And sooner or later it's over,  
I just don't wanna miss you tonight,_

I listen to her chatter on, about her life, how her mother is always experimenting with food, how her father works as a buyer for some company or other. Even about her horrible sister's new dress. And, of course I tell her as much as I know about magic; the way she gazes at me in wonder and admiration reduces my innards to mush. When her face lights up with fascination and curiosity my heart flops. Although we've been friends for a while now, I still treasure these moments. Because before we know it blazing afternoon sun turns into a hazy sunset and I watch her go home, longing to follow her rather than be forced to miss her in the long hours of continuous shouting within the four walls at Spinner's end.

_And I don't want the world to see me,  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand,  
When everything's meant to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am,_

Lily's different from the others; the rest of the world sees a greasy, bedraggled, over-sized bat going by the name of Severus Snape. In short they see a freak. Not Lily. She understands... mostly. I never let her see the aftermath of Tobias' drunken fits or let slip how my heart breaks at the sight of my mother's broken, tear-stained face. She suspects it though; her face is easier to read than an open book. I want to tell her, open up fully to her. But she cannot see me as weak, I wish she could know the true, sensitive me but my own pride stops me.

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,  
Or the moment of truth in your lies,  
When everything feels like the movies,  
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive,_

I remember the beatings, clenching my fists so hard my nails cut into the flesh of my palm as I try desperately to trap the screams forming in my throat and fighting back tears of pain, they will never reach my eyelids. I'll have to lie about this to her tomorrow, then tell her a bunch of truths about magic to distract her; that and to stop me from feeling like total scum for lying to her. I try to block it out, but his blows are relentless. I close my eyes imagine her divine face and visualize a scene where we're adults, I confess my undying love for her and we kiss dramatically. It seems ludicrously out of this world, impossible, a lot like a scene in one of those... things Lily showed me. A movie, I believe is the correct term. As much as I want it to be true, the blood pouring from my lip and several gashes on my cheeks and forehead scream and keep me anchored to reality.

_And I don't want the world to see me,  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand,  
When everything's meant to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am,_

Lily's different from the others; the rest of the world sees a greasy, bedraggled, over-sized bat going by the name of Severus Snape. In short they see a freak. Not Lily. She understands... mostly. I try not to let her see the aftermath of Tobias' drunken fits or let slip how my heart breaks at the sight of my mother's broken, tear-stained face. She is putting together the pieces the longer we spend in one another's company; I'm terrified she'll uncover the truth because I don't want her pity; I want her love, I was content with friendship at one point in time, not anymore. I want to tell her, open up fully to her so we can be together, so that foolish childhood dream can become my reality. But she cannot see me as weak, I wish she could know the true, sensitive me but my own pride stops me, it always does.

_And I don't want the world to see me,  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand,  
When everything's meant to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am,_

In all of the time I've known her I've known that Lily's different from the others; the rest of the world sees a greasy, bedraggled, over-sized bat going by the name of Severus Snape. In short they see a freak. Not Lily. She understands... mostly. Although I never let her see the aftermath of Tobias' drunken fits or let slip how my heart breaks at the sight of my mother's broken, tear-stained face. She seems to comprehend; thankfully she seems to know, though I have never once confirmed her suspicions. I want to, I want open up fully to her, as always. But she cannot see me as weak, I wish she could know the true, sensitive me but my own pride stops me, as ever.

_And I don't want the world to see me,  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand,  
When everything's meant to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am,_

I'm pulled out of my reverie; I see them together, hand in hand. My nails bite into my palm, although my father died years ago (from alcohol poisoning, go figure) the pain of watching them though is equal, no, surpasses the pain of his fists. I'm invisible to the world, under a disillusionment charm. I refuse to let them see me, broken and unable to hold back tears this time. I thought she'd understood me. I want, more desperately than ever, to have the courage to show her the real me. The loving one not the one that called her that disgusting name. I want to tell her that it was her that kept me going through the horrors in my past, that she was the centre of my world. Most of all I want her to see the true me. Pride be damned.

_I just want you to know who I am,  
I just want you to know who I am,  
I just want you to know who I am,_

My thoughts plague me I pushed her away, my pride pushed her away. I should've opened up. I should've let her in. I should've showed her the true extent of my affections. There were too many shoulds, could, "if onlys" and "what ifs?" If I had a time turner I'd go back and change it all. I'd open up and we'd be happy together, forever. But it was too late. I'd made too many mistakes regarding Lily Evans. She'd never see me the way she used to ever again. Her admiring glances turned into venomous glares. With each one a small part of me died. She looked at that cursed Potter now. Jealousy and pure hatred clinched around my heart encouraged by the bitterness of denial, for stealing the woman that should've been mine, my beloved, her looks, her smiles, her admiration and, most of all, her understanding of the man that is Severus Snape.

**A/N: Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it. Updates may be few and far between due to other things that must take priority (ie. coursework, homework and exam preparations.) as I said review or PM. Have a good day Vixter twi-hard ;)**


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